My Forthcoming Forties, yes hitting a milestone birthday really is a thing for people. I have never been one to really celebrate birthday’s. I appreciate them and love the festivities and celebratory events but I have always been a person that wants to celebrate people as often as possible. Especially outside birthday or other attention specific holidays. The last birthday I celebrated at a small scale was my 30th. Now 10 years later I am beginning to reflect.
In the the last ten years I have purchased a home as a single mother of four. ( without the aide from their father, meaning no I didn’t have child support and alimony). I also want to say I purchased my home from another mom who was a realtor. I graduated with a Bachelors of Science in Human Services. ( I did have the support of my parents and two brothers) I paid for and took my parents, two adult brothers and four children to a family vacation to San Diego. (This was the only trip my children had with family like this) I am now free from an abusive marriage. I am now remarried to a loving and often times grumpy old man who at the end of the day I know he will stand for me. I had an opportunity to go on a cruise with some amazing people in my life. A powerhouse couple that are so dear to me, a man who is now the very definition of a brother. My four older children where in his wedding and his wife and family….God bless the beauty they project to me and my family then and now. There was a young man who even to this day holds a place in my heart for the lessons he taught me. He led me in understanding people where they are, listening to differences with a heart of love to see through pain for a persons heart. His questioning of why I believed and my faith pushed me to draw closer to God and in my faith.
I share these good things because in the grand scheme of things when we reflect back we can see the good or the point of advantage if we truly look for it. Sometimes it requires reinspecting of things but I can assure you No matter what you go through, you can find a way to allow it to be a refining period and allow it to structure things in a way that benefits you and others.
My divorce was beneficial but the constant of my children’s biological father present ‘left” when the judge left his signature approving the divorce and I “left” the address we previously shared. I was often alone and had constant thoughts of failure to my children leaving their father.
I remarried a man who jumped in totally heart first, he taught my older four to ride bikes, He was so excited, on board for ohana but didn’t realize families look different. The discord that was created with his ex wife and her mother had me in tears and stressed for months. Those events as he balanced new life, wife, faith strained us behind closed doors and smiles. We have grown she and I. We can sit and share gifts now but that season of discord felt like eternity. I was so joyful to give birth to my little Polynesian Princess yet I was fearful most the pregnancy because I had just suffered a major lose months before we conceived her. I was depressed due to the loss at the beginning of the pregnancy due to hormones and emotions.
I shared this timeline to let you know few things
1. Find the positive possibility in your pit. (Believe you will get up, over and through)
2. You can learn from anyone you come in contact with. ( learn to follow after or do the opposite)
3. Yes you have to deal with people but know that YOU control how you feel or process the events and outcomes of the choices you encounter.